A Pleasant Day

Today went quite well, and I was pleasantly surprised by that.

My meeting with the professor went better than expected. He understood my point of view and said that I should be able to take an alternative class in order to fulfill that requirement for my major. I e-mailed the Economics professor who will help me find an alternative and hope to hear back from him tomorrow. After I hear back from him, I have to let the professors coordinating the trip know that I will no longer be traveling. I hope they aren't upset with me for waiting to tell them, but I had to talk with many people in order to make this decision and find an alternative.

My group's presentation on serial killer groupies went quite well. I wasn't as nervous as I usually am giving this presentation and I think it may be because I was in a group. The professor really liked our topic and said it was "ground-breaking." She wants to do a more in-depth research project on the subject and asked us if we wanted to work on it next spring. If I think I can handle doing that in addition to a senior seminar, I may just do it. Since my G.P.A. isn't the best, this could look really good to grad schools.

Tonight I apologized to a former friend for the argument we had two years ago. I told her that at that time I had depression and that was causing my behavior to be what it was. Amanda was quite understanding and we talked for a while. I think we both feel better now..

A Crazy Day with an Even Crazier Tomorrow

Today went quite well.

I gave Dr. S, my counselor here at R-MC, a letter of appreciation and an 11in. x 14in. print of my profile picture on this blog (the purple flower). The following is my letter to her:

Dr. S,
I would like to take this opportunity to thank you for everything that you’ve done in order to help me. Without your understanding and assistance, I would not be where I am today. It is difficult to know where I would be without your intervention, but I know I’d probably be in a worse place than that which I am in now. I know that the medication has helped in some respects, and I would not be on it if you hadn’t sent me home, even though I was against doing so. Without the help that I have received, both from you and medication, I think I would have committed suicide many months ago.

When I told you that I looked forward to my appointments with you, I meant it. Tuesdays have become my favorite day of the week, only because I get to see you. You are very easy to talk to and I feel like I can tell you things that I cannot tell other people.

I apologize for the times when I have been difficult and uncooperative; you deserved better. I know that I’m not the easiest person to deal with, so your patience with me has been wonderful.

In writing this, I wanted you to know that you are appreciated and you have heavily impacted my life for the better.

With Much Appreciation,

Emily

She said that she really appreciated the letter and she loved the picture; she thought it was beautiful, although she said she couldn't hang it in her office because my name was on it and it would be a violation of privacy. She said that she will think about where to put it. Dr. S also told me that she's enjoyed working with me this past year. I laughed, because I know I've not been the easiest person to deal with. She said that she liked to see people get better and improve and she thought that I had done just that. I think I'm going to cry next Tuesday when I meet with her for the last time this semester. I'll miss talking with her over the summer.

My group is still working on our project about serial killer groupies. I feel as if we haven't done a lot of research and we've just thrown it together. I don't think it is going to be that great, and I'm quite nervous about presenting in front of the class tomorrow. I'm going to try to purposely lose my voice in order to try to weasel my way out of talking. After the presentation tomorrow, our group has to present at Research Day on Friday. I'm so scared of presenting in front of a large group. I'm terrified that I'm going to have a panic attack and pass out.

I also have to meet with the head of the International Studies Department tomorrow. He is really intimidating. I have to discuss me not going on a January-Term travel course next year that I need to graduate. I'm terrified that my negative experiences in Spain, even though they were few, will be repeated. If that should happen, I'll be sent home from school indefinitely and I'll not graduate from this college.

I hope, and pray, that tomorrow will go well.

An Overall Okay Day

Today has been an overall okay day.

My first class, Eastern World Religions, was really boring. We are learning about the life and teachings of Jesus Christ, which I have heard about a hundred times before. I was attempting to study for the Macroeconomics quiz I was to take in my next class in order to pass the time. I felt guilty for doing so, because I know the professor (the Chaplain) knew what I was doing. I made it through the class and proceeded to Macroeconomics.

When I got there, a different professor was in the room. She informed us that our professor would not be in class today, and therefore class was canceled. To my surprise, she then told us that there would be no class on Thursday. Apparently the professor's father passed away, leading to his week-long absence. This made me quite happy, as I would only have to endure one class today and Thursday.

Early this afternoon I had my weekly appointment at the counseling center with Dr. S. Today went quite well. It lasted longer than usual, which I think means she enjoyed the conversation we were having, and appreciated my honesty. I think my depression has lifted significantly. I feel like an entirely different person almost, even though I'm still quiet and reserved in public and in class. I don't know who I am anymore; I don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing.

At work I spent two and a half hours surfing the net instead of doing what I was supposed to be doing. The task I was to be working on is mind-numbing, and boring. I hope that my boss doesn't find out that I lied. Then she would never trust me again.

Tonight I'm supposed to go on a walk with some of my friends to enjoy the nice spring weather. I think I might ride my bike while they walk. I need to get some use out of it; after all I did buy a bicycle rack and drove it two and a half hours, and thus far it has been collecting dust.

It looks like I won't have a heavy homework load until Thursday night when I have to write a paper due on Friday. Hopefully I can do some fun things in the free evenings I have.

For Lack of Time to Post Anything Better....

I really want to update this more often, and I will try to do that. Lately, however, organizing my photographs has been given priority, so I will post this for the moment.

You Are New York

Cosmopolitan and sophisticated, you enjoy the newest in food, art, and culture. You also appreciate a good amount of grit - and very little shocks you. You're competitive, driven, and very likely to succeed. Famous people from New York: Sarah Michelle Gellar, Tupac Shakur, Woody Allen

What American City Are You?

A Long, Short Day

In the wee hours of this morning, at 3:30 a.m., I got a call from one of my friends. I wasn't upset at all because I was wide awake and up organizing my photos.

She had a fight with her roommate and didn't want to sleep in the same room with her and asked if she could sleep in my room. I said I didn't mind and she came over. We talked until 4:30 a.m., and then turned the lights off in order to sleep. I could not get to sleep. My friend snored really loud, keeping me awake until 6 a.m. when I became too exhausted to be bothered by noise.

I woke up at 10 a.m. to my alarm going off. I was planning to go back to the Hollywood Cemetery and take some more pictures. I decided to go back to sleep, because my friend was still asleep on my floor. I woke up again at 1:30 p.m. with my friend gone. I couldn't believe I had slept so long.

I got up and got ready and headed to the cemetery a lot later than I had planned on. Regardless, I made it to the cemetery around 3:40 p.m. I found a place to park and walked for a good while, finding a few good subjects to photograph. I then got back in my car and went looking for the tall pyramid structure that is a memorial to the Confederate soldiers. I wasn't successful and decided to leave. I was a little disappointed that I didn't get more photos.

When I got back to school, I told another one of my friends, Sara, about my adventure. She told me that she loved going to that cemetery, and to let her know when I was going back, because she wanted to come. This made me really happy, as I hardly ever have people that want to go out and take pictures.

Ended Dreams?

I have come to the realization that one possible direction I was considering taking after college is no longer an option.

I've had this crazy dream that one day I would attend law school and eventually become a judge in a juvenile and domestic relations court. At this point, that will never happen.

My current GPA is a 3.27. Last semester it was a 3.54 and I got a Phi Beta Kappa certificate. Currently, I'm no longer in the Honors Program here at school because of my GPA, and I'm terrified that I'm going to lose my scholarship and no longer be able to afford to attend here. I will never be able to raise my GPA above a 3.5 again; in order to do so I'd have to make a 4.0 every semester I have left. My low GPA and the fact that I'm not involved with anything on campus means that I will never get into any law school that is worth anything.

Realizing this hurts. Failing one history class has ruined a dream for me. I only failed that class because I slept through the final exam; I had a B average in the class. Depression and anxiety have cost me so much, and I guess they will continue to ruin my dreams and keep me from living up to my potential.

Zooomr Photo Sharing

A Perfect Daisy Hosted on Zooomr

Like many people, I came across Yahoo's Flickr photo sharing service. After signing up for a free account and posting a few pictures, I realized that I was already almost to my monthly upload limit. I decided that I would go ahead and purchase a Flickr Pro account in order to gain the ability to post more pictures. I used Flickr for a little while, and wanted to upload all of my pictures there and join groups, but I soon became bored with it. As of now I only go to my Flickr account in order to view the photos of my contacts there. I found the Zooomr photo sharing (but it does a whole lot more) site through one of my Flickr contacts, Thomas Hawk. After viewing his Zooomr site and comparing it to the Flickr site, I decided to sign up for Zooomr which was free. I must say that I love Zooomr and what it has to offer photographers, both novice and professional alike. The creator and developer of Zooomr, Kristopher Tate, is readily available to answer questions and comment on the ideas put forth by users. You will NOT find that type of interaction and customer service with Yahoo's Flickr.

Check out my Zooomr site at: http://beta.zooomr.com/people/emilyelizabeth

After that, make sure you sign up for a FREE Zooomr account and test the product, you will not regret it. The new, and much anticipated, version of Zooomr is debuting in March, giving you yet another incentive to join this wonderful community of photographers.

My Birthday

Today is my 21st birthday.

I've spent the day relaxing and doing whatever I've wanted.

I woke up extremely early, at 6:30 a.m., because I had yet again fallen asleep downstairs in my favorite chair. I watched some of my favorite television shows on BBC America and worked on my laptop trying to organize a lot of my files. I also watched the movie "Cake" on the Lifetime channel, which starred Heather Graham and Taye Diggs. I was pleasantly surprised because it was funny and it kept my attention, unlike many chick flicks.

I'm currently watching "Crime & Punishment" on MSNBC, which is basically real life "Law & Order," while waiting for dinner to be ready. It is a really interesting series. If you like crime dramas such as "Law & Order" and "Justice" I highly recommend this series. I will admit that it is shocking and saddening that these crimes occurred, and it is even more difficult to see pictures of victims and to hear how they departed this earth.

I have received wonderful gifts for my birthday. My mom bought me the prescription sunglasses I've wanted and needed for a long while. Today I received a package from my grandmother and aunt in Pennsylvania. I received $170 from them which I desperately need because I am broke after returning from Spain. They also gave me a beautiful pearl necklace.

I won't get to celebrate too much, if at all, because I have to do laundry and pack so I can return to school tomorrow. Perhaps I'll save the celebration for another weekend, when things aren't so busy.

Another Day of Class; The Return of Wireless; Conversation With a Professor; Interesting Pizza

Today started off like any other day, except I stayed in bed a little longer than normal, and finally got up around 7 a.m. I afforded myself that luxury because today was laundry day, and with the washer running I knew there would be no hot water for my morning shower. I really wish I could have gotten a shower. I absolutely hate to leave the house, whether here or at home, without showering first. As of now, I still haven't taken one because the washer has been running non-stop all day; I think I'll just wait until tomorrow. The European washers are much smaller than the American ones, so trying to wash a week's worth of clothes for four people takes many loads of laundry to complete.

We have wireless internet again! I thought I would die without it. I know that's horrible to say, but it is true. Pepita buys the internet and router just for the students who stay with her; she doesn't have a computer of her own. I hope we have the net for the rest of the month, it is so much easier to communicate with it.

I had another conversation with Prof. Bd tonight. We met at a small cafe to discuss things. I told her that I was considering going home because of stress and feeling fatigued all of the time. She said that since our last conversation, she had been thinking and thought that it would be in my best interest to return home. I told her that I didn't necessarily want to return to the U.S. because I love Spain. It isn't that I'm homesick or physically ill, I just feel mentally and emotionally horrible a lot. I told her how much class was stressing me out. Today I made myself physically ill with the thought of going to class. I had to leave the class halfway through because I thought I was going to be sick, and I felt that a panic attack was forthcoming. She said that she was sure that accommodations could be made that would ease my stress. Prof. Bd was very understanding and compassionate. She was going to discuss things with my professor to see what could be done.

We had pizza today, and it was very interesting to say the least. Pepita made them homemade, and of course there was the usual sauce and cheese put on top; and because we were in Spain, a pork product was necessary as well. I'm not sure whether it was ham, bacon, or sausage, but it tasted fine. The one thing I could not stand about this pizza was the egg. Yes, I said EGG. Pepita cracked a raw egg on top of the unbaked pizza and put the entire thing in the microwave. It was not tasty, and the egg was runny because it wasn't cooked all the way. If it wasn't for the egg, the pizza would've been great. I hope next time she doesn't put the egg on.

The Long Journey to Madrid

Madrid is wonderful. There is so much to do and see. The city is always alive and energetic. We are staying at the Hotel Principe Pio, which is quite near the royal palace or Palacio Real.

I was quite nervous when we got to the airport in Richmond as I had never flown before. I also didn't know what to expect or how to navigate through an airport and deal with security. When I arrived I was told that all of the class except for me, another student, and our professor had caught an earlier flight to Philly. This news made me even more anxious and unsure about the forthcoming trip. I didn't even know the other student (Easton) and had very brief and limited contact with the professor (Prof. MJB). 

I then wheeled my bags all the way down to the terminal; stupid me. I then asked where I needed to go in order to check my bags and was told, "At the ticket counter," which was all the way back across the airport. I felt so dumb and stupid; I hated myself.

So I then trudged all the way back and checked my bags. My big one was 5.5 lbs. under the 50 lb. weight limit. I was relieved because I didn't want to pay the $80 charge for the extra weight. I was thankful that I had decided to divide my clothes between two suitcases. Prof. MJB, Easton, and I went to the gate to wait. During this time we all got to know each other better and I was feeling less anxious, although I was still nervous about flying for the first time.

We were to leave Richmond International Airport at 5:50 p.m. and were to board the Philadelphia to Madrid flight at 7:05 p.m. When we were alerted that our Richmond flight was delayed by a half hour, Prof. MJB became stressed. She called the other students who had already arrived at Philly to tell the airline (U.S. Airways) that they were not to allow the plane to leave. 

The flight from RIA to Philly was AWESOME! I loved it more than I ever thought I would. It was so beautiful to see the cities between Richmond and Philadelphia lit up at night out my window. Easton and I were seated next to each other and we became fast friends.

The flight went smoothly, and after we deplaned the three of us had to haul ass all the way across the huge Philly airport. The airport is wonderful, and very clean and well kept. The stores it contained were amazing, and it was similar to a shopping mall. They even had a Harley Davidson store where you could buy motorcycles (in an airport?!).

We eventually made it to our gate and reunited with the rest of our group. Then Easton and I went for some food because we were famished.

It wasn't long before we boarded the international flight to Madrid. The plane was huge. There was the window, then two seats, then an aisle, then four seats, then an aisle, followed by two more seats. I was really excited to have another window seat. The plane was a little cramped, but it wasn't uncomfortable.

I was seated next to Franny, who I had briefly met before. We both began to read to occupy the time waiting for take off. When it did, the view was amazing and the 8 hour flight commenced. We were served dinner, which was okay, but not the greatest (I know "What do you expect? It's plane food!"). I had the pasta, and it was quite good except the sauce was spicy hot. I ate the cheese, bread and crackers, and decided that was enough. The movie that was being shown was "Invincible." It looked quite good, but I decided not to watch it because I was busy reading, sleeping and listening to my iPod in order to occupy myself.

I was awake when the sun began to shine through the clouds in the atmosphere. It was one of the most amazing sights I’ve seen in my lifetime. Seeing clouds at their level, and even being above them, was incredible. When we were closer to the ground, I could see the Spanish mountains and the windmills that were perched atop the ridges. The ground looked like a patch-work quilt of greens and browns with an occasional dark river winding in between. A few towns could be seen scattered about the land with buildings of white and brown.

When we arrived at Barajas Airport in Madrid, I found it quite sketchy. The day before I had learned that a parking garage there had be bombed by ETA and two Ecuadorian men were killed while sleeping in their car. I never actually saw where the parking garage used to exist, and everything appeared normal. I was very careful about watching my bags in the airport because Barajas has a reputation of luggage being stolen.

After all of our luggage had been claimed, we went to meet our tour guide. When we came face to face, she was a twenty-something Spanish woman named Inma. She dressed very stylish, yet bohemian at the same time.

We proceeded to drive to our hotel, the Hotel Principe Pio. Here waiting outside was another professor, Fernando. The hotel is quite close to the royal palace and gardens in a park-like setting are directly across the street. My roommates are Meghan and Diana, who I know the best out of everyone in our group. The room is small and contains three twin beds and a bathroom. Out our window we can see apartments, clotheslines and cats on top of roofs. There is also a large Middle-Eastern-looking dome which is very colorful.

I went to lunch at a Turkish restaurant chain with the majority of our group. I found the food to be quite unappetizing, and couldn't finish it.

After that I took a nice two and a half hour nap to recover slightly. We were supposed to visit a tourist site this afternoon (the Palacio Real, the Museo Thyssen-Bornemisza, or the Museo Reina Sofia), but we voted to have the entire afternoon to ourselves. 

I think Meghan, Diana, and I are going to go sightseeing with others from our group. I hope we have a great time and don't get lost. 

Did You See That?!; Dreading Today; Hoping for a Shipping Miracle

Firstly, I just finished watching the Fiesta Bowl between the Oklahoma Sooners and the Boise State Broncos. It was an awesome game. Oklahoma was very heavily favored over Boise. At first Boise was trampling the Sooners, and I pretty much thought they were going to run all over Oklahoma. The Sooners did manage to score many unanswered points to tie the game. With only a minute or so left, the Sooners went ahead by seven, but Boise came back to tie it with a few seconds left on the clock. The game then went into overtime. The Sooners struck first with a running touchdown by Adrian Peterson and made the point after. But then the Broncos came back and scored. They wanted to win the game and be "Cinderella", so they went for the two point conversion. An awesome play fake was called and the runner went in untouched. The final score was: 43-42. If you didn't see it, you should definitely download it from the iTunes Music Store, or watch for it on ESPNU.

On t.v. when they were interviewing a player, he proposed to his girlfriend, the head cheerleader, and she accepted. It was touching, as much as it could be, but the announcer interviewing the player completely ruined the surprise. He announced something to the effect of, "And now we have a proposal..." I know that announcers are paid to speak, but they should know when to keep their mouths shut.

Today I have a lot to accomplish, and it is going to be extremely stressful. I have to wash all of my clothes and pack what I'm not planning to wear today/tomorrow. I have to paint my toenails; Yes, this is important as I bought a new pair of Reef flip flops to wear in Spain. I have to clean my big aquarium, and put some more water in it. Next, I have to set up three 2.5 gallon aquariums for my bettas. I even splurged and bought each one a heater so they can stay nice and warm while I'm away. I think they are a little chilly now and we have yet to see any really cold weather, so I think they'd turn into fishsticles (fish+icicles) if the temperature dropped. I really care about my bettas, but I have to wash out/disinfect three aquariums before I can put water in them, which has made me procrastinate until the last day I am home. I also have to buy a converter at Radio Shack so I can use my battery charger and cell phone charger overseas. I have to buy the rest of the toiletries that I've forgot to purchase. There are other things that I must do today, but I can't think of them at the moment. Hopefully I'll get all of them accomplished with enough time left over for me to relax tonight.

I also could not find a step-down transformer to use with my laptop in Spain. Therefore I had to order a European Dell powercord. The company I ordered from was closed on Monday, so the order should be filled today. I paid $30.00 in shipping charges to get it mid-morning the next day (Wednesday). I'm a little concerned because my mom wants to leave for Richmond by 11 a.m. at the latest. The powercord has got to get here before I leave. It would be so much easier to find things that would work with my laptop overseas if I didn't have a Dell.

A Disappointing Day

Today began with me being late to work, again. According to the clock on the wall at work, it was straight-up 9:00 a.m., which would mean I was on time for once. However, the mood of the other employees made me feel as if I was late, even though someone else arrived after me. I HATE being late anytime, but being late to work kills me. I'm extremely frustrated and disgusted because no matter how early I wake up, and no matter how organized I am the night before, I'm always late. Sometimes I just lose track of time when I'm getting ready in the bathroom, other times traffic is horrible and I just seem to get stopped at every red light in the city. My boss has never said anything to me about my tardiness; she doesn't have to, as her looks and attitude toward me speak volumes. I have two more days of working in the Circuit Court Clerk's Office this break, and I want nothing more than to be EARLY, not on time, but EARLY.

After working all day and being exhausted because I only got three hours of sleep last night, my mom and I drove to Dulles to go shopping for some clothes for me to wear in Spain. We went to my favorite store: Gap. I love Gap clothes. They are classic, well-made, and beautiful. It is the only store where I can find pants that fit me perfectly. Well tonight they had a huge after-Christmas sale, and I mean HUGE. They were selling $60 jeans for $10-$20, and nearly everything else was discounted.

I was extremely disappointed. Out of the 10 pairs of pants and 2 shirts I tried on, only 2 pairs of pants fit, and they were too long, and therefore need to be hemmed before next Wednesday. I have gained more weight. I don't know how or why, but I have. I MUST lose weight; approximately 50 pounds if I want to be at least satisfied with my figure. I HATE EVERYTHING about myself right now. I hate all of my physical features except for my blue eyes, and naturally curly and blonde hair. Additionally, I hate my personality and my emotions, and some of my impulsive actions. This negative self image does nothing to help me out of this fog of depression. I think that if I was beautiful and skinny, and therefore happy with myself, all of my problems would be solved: I'd be more outgoing and positive, I wouldn't be terrified of public speaking, I'd have more friends and a boyfriend, etc. If I become a size larger I'll either become anorexic/bulimic or I'll kill myself; there is no way I could ever accept my body at that size.

Finally, tonight while I was checking my bank account to see if my Christmas money had gone into savings, I learned I was $42.00 overdraft, that is with the outrageous $34.oo overdraft fee. I was freaking $8.00 over and get slapped with a $34.oo fee; ugh.... I digress. I think I'll have very little spending money for Spain, which is exactly the circumstance I didn't want to be in. It is going to really suck having to worry about every penny I spend over there; especially when I should be concerned with doing well in the class I'm taking and with having a tremendous amount of fun.

I also learned tonight that I'll have to buy a plug adapter and possibly a power converter to allow all of my electronics to work over there. That's fine, because I was already expecting to purchase these items. But on top of that, it appears that I'll have to buy a new power cord for my laptop that will accommodate the 220 volts used in Europe, but Dell doesn't sell those on its website (WTF?). I HAVE to have my laptop over there, or I will be declared mentally insane. I hate to feel as if I'm disconnected from the few friends I have. It is also necessary for me to have it in order to be able to download all of the pictures I take in Spain.

What to do, what to do...?

Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

Preparation Errands, and a Strange Accident

I had today off of work and couldn't be more thankful.

I slept in until noon, even though I had set my alarm for 9:30 a.m. After that, I got up and lounged around watching MTV's "True Life" before preparing macaroni and cheese for lunch. I got ready for the day, which took longer than I would have liked, as I could not find anything I needed.

I then went to the bank to deposit the checks I received for Christmas, and to ask about using my debit card in Spain. I was glad to hear that I could use it with no problems, but I first had to call customer service to let them know that while I'm in Spain for the next month I'll be using my debit card so they won't block it, thinking it is being fraudulently used. After that, I went to the mall, which I absolutely dread, in order to buy a few dress clothes and a large suitcase that would be able to contain the massive amount of things I have to take across the Atlantic. I saved a total of $132.02 tonight, as the suitcase was 50% off the original $200.00 price, and the clothes were also on sale.

Around 9:00 p.m. tonight I was watching TV downstairs and saw flashing lights go by the front windows. Ordinarily I wouldn't think anything of it as we have a fire station down the road from us, but tonight the lights continued to flash as if the rescue vehicle was stopped right in front of our house. As it turns out, it was, along with other vehicles with flashing lights. Within a few minutes there were three firetrucks, at least three ambulances, a sheriff's office truck, and at least eight sheriff's office cars. It looked as if there was an accident because a green sedan was in the middle of the road very near to a white suburban. The odd thing was that the firetruck was using a twenty foot tall spotlight to light up the field across from us. It looked as if someone ran after the accident happened. All of this went on for an hour, and gradually all of the rescue personnel left, and the green sedan, which was a Volkswagen Jetta, was towed away.

I couldn't wait to get to work tomorrow to get more specific details about what had occurred. I work in the local Circuit Court Clerk's Office and we can usually ask the cops in the building about accidents and events and find out everything we want to know.

I just read the online version of the local newspaper and they had a picture with a very brief caption which said that two pedestrians were hit on my road. The picture was of the Jetta with a dented hood and a shattered windshield, which I presume would make it the car who struck the pedestrians. I find this a little strange as I live in a (now) semi-rural area and the road is dark and winding with many blind hills. I have NEVER seen a pedestrian walking along our road at night, and can't think of any reason why one would. Maybe when/if I learn more details it will make more sense.

The Beginning of Another Year

I arrived at school yesterday to begin my junior year of college. I think I brought almost everything I own with me, and I'm not quite sure how I'm going to fit all of it in my cozy (a.k.a. small) single room.

Tonight I had a wonderful dinner with some of my friends, but knew that as soon as dinner was over I'd go back to my dorm room and it would be in the same cluttered and messy condition as when I left it.

I like things to be neat and organized, so I know exactly where everything is. I like for my room to be tidy and well-kept, as this curtails one cause of stress in my life. When my room is messy, I can't find anything. This causes me to panic, especially when I am running late.

After looking at the room and realizing how long it would take me to get everything unpacked and organized, I became overwhelmed. I got online and began talking to one of my friends who knows the state of my mental health. It didn't take long for the conversation to begin to take a dark and negative tone. I let my feelings of hopelessness and frustration dictate what I wrote. My friend kept telling me to just vent and let it all out, and I repeatedly gave negative responses to her questions and comments. She said that was fine with her, but then she suddenly signed off of AIM. I think that was her way of telling me she was tired of hearing about all of my issues and problems and especially me being negative. When she signed back on a few minutes later, she didn't even acknowledge me. I guess she didn't mean what she said earlier about being "more than happy to listen."

I think I really get on people's nerves. I think after people have dealt with my emotional issues for so long, I just need to disappear from their lives in order to free them from the burden I place on them. I care about them so much that I feel that separating myself from them forever, or at least until I get my emotions in check, which could be forever, is the best thing for them.

My Dorm Room Sophomore Year

This is a picture of my corner of my dorm room.

The artwork on the wall behind my bed was all done by me, and I took all of the pictures to the left.

If you couldn't tell from my bedding, my favorite colors are those at the cooler end of the color spectrum.

My dorm is really nice; quite a lot better than last year. My room is huge and the wall is drywall painted a nice beige. Last year my room was quite small and the walls were cinder block painted psychiatric ward white.

This year my dorm has community bathrooms which I actually prefer over the suite-style bathrooms I had last year. With community bathrooms I can wake up at 3 a.m. to take a shower without waking anyone up.

My building, Thomas Branch, was just recently renovated and is the only residential building on campus with an elevator.

Needless to say, I am very pleased with my accommodations this year.

Honors Banquet

This evening I attended a banquet held for all of the students who are in the Honors Program at the college.

I wasn't really sure that I wanted to attend. One reason is that I hate getting dressed up. Another reason is that I only knew a few of the people that were going and felt that having to socialize with these strangers who wanted nothing to do with me would be a bit awkward. Nevertheless, I decided to attend.

I arrived at the reception at 6:15 p.m. There was a table with punch and fruit and cheese, looking quite nice. I didn't get any because I didn't want to ruin my appetite and there were a few groups of people right next to the table. I began to talk with people I know, and we all got bored quickly. At 6:40 p.m. we had run out of topics of conversation and resorted to standing around looking at each other uncomfortably. Then the Dean of the College came to us and began speaking with us. He left after a few minutes to socialize with other groups.

Within a few minutes we were told to go to the dining room and sit down for dinner. The people I had been talking to and I sat down at the same table, and were later, to our surprise, joined by the Dean. I'm not sure if he actually chose to sit with us. I think maybe each of the other tables already had a faculty member sitting there, so he felt obligated to sit with us.

Dinner was nice. The steak and potatoes were to my liking (which is very unusual). I ate a little of my asparagus, just so I had at least tasted everything on my plate. Dessert was okay, nothing to rave about.

Every year at the banquet two professors, Dr. B (Political Science) and Dr. R (Mathematics), provide the entertainment. To be honest, I wasn't quite sure what to expect, after all, these were faculty members and the Dean was in attendance. They had decided that we should play "Jeopardy!" and that our tables would be our teams. Our table didn't win, but we scored some points.

I felt really stupid and embarrassed at one point during the game. Normally, being the shy and introverted person I am, wouldn't have dared to raise my hand in an attempt to answer a question. But for some reason, I felt sure of an answer and raised my hand. Big mistake. I wasn't completely wrong, though, which is good, but I felt moronic nonetheless.

After playing the game, and getting our butts kicked, the senior awards were given out. After that, everyone left, and went back to preparing for Monday's classes.

Overall, the banquet was nice and entertaining, although I'm not sure if I would attended next year's.

Only time will tell.

Trip to Washington, D.C.

This past Monday (April 18) I went on a field trip organized by the Political Science Students Association to Washington, D.C. We visited the Supreme Court and the Pentagon, which were both very interesting places.

I fell asleep on the bus on the way to D.C. because I woke up at 5:30 a.m. We got there around 9:30 a.m., which is pretty good considering we were travelling in rush-hour traffic.

Our first stop was the United States Supreme Court. There were two separate lines: one to go and sit for 3 minutes and another line to sit for the whole hearing which was an hour. Marisa, my friend from Ecuador, and I decided to go in the three minute line.

One of the security guards looked exactly like Mike Tyson, only without the tattoo. After passing through all the security checkpoints, we finally made it inside.

It was very polished and ornate. The ceiling was wonderfully detailed in what seemed like plaster reliefs shaped like flowers. It was more intimate than I thought it would be. There were no balconies for viewing the proceedings; everyone was on the same floor. The justices were up on a slight platform, and I'm grateful for that, because those viewing the proceedings for three minutes were seated in the back. Those viewing the entire hour-long proceeding were seated in church-like pews. The lawyer arguing before the Court looked very unprepared and idiotic. He argued that the Court said one thing and Justice Scalia told him something like, "Actually, I believe we said the opposite." It was really interesting, but I really wouldn't have wanted to remain there for the entire hour.

After leaving the Supreme Court, eleven of us, including a professor, went to Tortilla Coast and had a delicious meal, as well as interesting and thought-provoking conversation. After that, we went to the Capitol to meet the rest of the students. While waiting, we took in the spectacular views of the mall and the rotunda of the Capitol.

Our next stop was the Pentagon. After passing through the numerous security checkpoints we were led to a room where we met our tour guides, all four of them. The Pentagon wasn't like I thought it would be. They have what looks like a mall inside and I would have thought I was in a mall if I had not have known for sure I was in the Pentagon. We got to visit the inside courtyard and were told interesting facts. We also visited the exact place where the Pentagon was hit by the hijacked plane on September 11, 2001. Our guides explained to us exactly how it was hit, and corrected the false information we had heard before.

All in all, it was an enjoyable day.

I would have posted pictures, but we were told not to bring any cameras.

Alpha Retreat in Lynchburg This Past Weekend

This past weekend I went on an Alpha retreat to Lynchburg, Virginia with the United Methodist church affiliated with the college.

It was exactly what I needed; a chance to get away, relax, and be happy. The weather and the mountains were absolutely gorgeous. The trees all had new, lush, green leaves on them. The air was clean and refreshing.

I went on the retreat with Liz (a friend of mine here at school), Pastor Ed (the youth minister at the United Methodist Church associated with the college), and Daniel (Ed's younger brother). We stayed in the church of Pastor Ed's in-laws. His in-laws are such wonderful and kind people. Ed's father-in-law is the minister of the church we stayed in. The church has its own gym with full-size basketball court and two kitchens. On Saturday, we moved into the church, and played some basketball. Later that day, we went on a scavenger hunt on the river walk in Lynchburg, Virginia (you can view the pictures below). The river walk and scavenger hunt were a lot of fun. The retreat was relaxing and refreshing; I couldn't have asked for anything more.

Out of all the pictures I took in Lynchburg, this is my favorite. I absolutely love the blue sky and the beautiful pink flowers against it.


This is a picture I took of the river fountain and a few buildings in downtown Lynchburg, Virginia.

This is a picture of a dam along the river walk. It was very beautiful and the roar of the falling water was deafening.

Here is a picture of the Virginia state tree, the dogwood.

This is an enormous, ancient tree on the river walk in Lynchburg, Virginia. It has an interesting root system that cascades down the hill like a waterfall. Over the years, many people have carved messages into the tree.

This is an old train tunnel that people pass through on the river walk in historic Lynchburg, Virginia. When inside, one wonders how a train actually fit in it.

This is a picture of the vegetation and rocks that can be seen on the river walk in Lynchburg, Virginia. There were droplets of water running down the rocks, and in some instances, they were a natural waterfall, providing the soothing sound of falling water.

Economics Test Results; Fall and January Scheduling; Weekend Retreat

I got my results from the Microeconomics exam I took on Tuesday. I was so relieved to find out that I got an A, but just barely. I got a 91%, which was the highest grade in the class (again), and the only A. I've heard from a friend that has already taken this course that the third, and final, exam is easier than the second one, which is a relief.

Today I have to begin picking out the classes I wish to take here in the fall and in January. So far, many people have told me that the choices for classes are abysmal. I sure hope that I can find, as well as get into, classes that I really want and enjoy. I think that it will take me an eternity to pick out classes and make sure that there won't be a time conflict between them. I have to have all this done by Tuesday, because that's when I meet with my adviser and I only have 20 minutes to do so.

This weekend I am going on a retreat with the Methodist church affiliated with the college. I am pretty excited about it. From what I hear, we will be doing many fun activities. It has been a while since I have seen these people, so I look forward to spending time with them again. I think we are going west to the mountains. Hopefully it will remind me of home; there are no hills or mountains in Ashland.

A Great Day Today; A Generous Donation; Hoping for a Good Day Tomorrow

Today was an extremely good day.

I didn't read the required assignment for one of my classes today. The professor came in and said that we would have until Friday to read it.

After getting off work at 5 p.m., I went to check my mail. I had received a card from my preacher and his wife. As I was walking down the sidewalk, I began to open the card. Inside was a check which I assumed was for five or ten dollars. To my amazement, the check was for $500.00. Yes, FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS! I almost fainted. I'm still not quite sure why they would send me that much money. It isn't my birthday and there's not a major holiday. I am very grateful, but still can't quite believe that they would give me so much money. I plan on putting it in the bank and maybe buying a more professional camera with it.

I am hoping for a good day tomorrow. I don't have Spanish tomorrow morning which is wonderful. After working for two hours, I have to attend the Phi Beta Kappa Freshmen Award Luncheon. I am a little nervous about it. I tried on the clothes I plan on wearing tomorrow, and don't believe they look nice on me. I hope when I put them on tomorrow my opinion will have changed.