The Beginning of Another Year

I arrived at school yesterday to begin my junior year of college. I think I brought almost everything I own with me, and I'm not quite sure how I'm going to fit all of it in my cozy (a.k.a. small) single room.

Tonight I had a wonderful dinner with some of my friends, but knew that as soon as dinner was over I'd go back to my dorm room and it would be in the same cluttered and messy condition as when I left it.

I like things to be neat and organized, so I know exactly where everything is. I like for my room to be tidy and well-kept, as this curtails one cause of stress in my life. When my room is messy, I can't find anything. This causes me to panic, especially when I am running late.

After looking at the room and realizing how long it would take me to get everything unpacked and organized, I became overwhelmed. I got online and began talking to one of my friends who knows the state of my mental health. It didn't take long for the conversation to begin to take a dark and negative tone. I let my feelings of hopelessness and frustration dictate what I wrote. My friend kept telling me to just vent and let it all out, and I repeatedly gave negative responses to her questions and comments. She said that was fine with her, but then she suddenly signed off of AIM. I think that was her way of telling me she was tired of hearing about all of my issues and problems and especially me being negative. When she signed back on a few minutes later, she didn't even acknowledge me. I guess she didn't mean what she said earlier about being "more than happy to listen."

I think I really get on people's nerves. I think after people have dealt with my emotional issues for so long, I just need to disappear from their lives in order to free them from the burden I place on them. I care about them so much that I feel that separating myself from them forever, or at least until I get my emotions in check, which could be forever, is the best thing for them.

My Dorm Room Sophomore Year

This is a picture of my corner of my dorm room.

The artwork on the wall behind my bed was all done by me, and I took all of the pictures to the left.

If you couldn't tell from my bedding, my favorite colors are those at the cooler end of the color spectrum.

My dorm is really nice; quite a lot better than last year. My room is huge and the wall is drywall painted a nice beige. Last year my room was quite small and the walls were cinder block painted psychiatric ward white.

This year my dorm has community bathrooms which I actually prefer over the suite-style bathrooms I had last year. With community bathrooms I can wake up at 3 a.m. to take a shower without waking anyone up.

My building, Thomas Branch, was just recently renovated and is the only residential building on campus with an elevator.

Needless to say, I am very pleased with my accommodations this year.

Honors Banquet

This evening I attended a banquet held for all of the students who are in the Honors Program at the college.

I wasn't really sure that I wanted to attend. One reason is that I hate getting dressed up. Another reason is that I only knew a few of the people that were going and felt that having to socialize with these strangers who wanted nothing to do with me would be a bit awkward. Nevertheless, I decided to attend.

I arrived at the reception at 6:15 p.m. There was a table with punch and fruit and cheese, looking quite nice. I didn't get any because I didn't want to ruin my appetite and there were a few groups of people right next to the table. I began to talk with people I know, and we all got bored quickly. At 6:40 p.m. we had run out of topics of conversation and resorted to standing around looking at each other uncomfortably. Then the Dean of the College came to us and began speaking with us. He left after a few minutes to socialize with other groups.

Within a few minutes we were told to go to the dining room and sit down for dinner. The people I had been talking to and I sat down at the same table, and were later, to our surprise, joined by the Dean. I'm not sure if he actually chose to sit with us. I think maybe each of the other tables already had a faculty member sitting there, so he felt obligated to sit with us.

Dinner was nice. The steak and potatoes were to my liking (which is very unusual). I ate a little of my asparagus, just so I had at least tasted everything on my plate. Dessert was okay, nothing to rave about.

Every year at the banquet two professors, Dr. B (Political Science) and Dr. R (Mathematics), provide the entertainment. To be honest, I wasn't quite sure what to expect, after all, these were faculty members and the Dean was in attendance. They had decided that we should play "Jeopardy!" and that our tables would be our teams. Our table didn't win, but we scored some points.

I felt really stupid and embarrassed at one point during the game. Normally, being the shy and introverted person I am, wouldn't have dared to raise my hand in an attempt to answer a question. But for some reason, I felt sure of an answer and raised my hand. Big mistake. I wasn't completely wrong, though, which is good, but I felt moronic nonetheless.

After playing the game, and getting our butts kicked, the senior awards were given out. After that, everyone left, and went back to preparing for Monday's classes.

Overall, the banquet was nice and entertaining, although I'm not sure if I would attended next year's.

Only time will tell.

Trip to Washington, D.C.

This past Monday (April 18) I went on a field trip organized by the Political Science Students Association to Washington, D.C. We visited the Supreme Court and the Pentagon, which were both very interesting places.

I fell asleep on the bus on the way to D.C. because I woke up at 5:30 a.m. We got there around 9:30 a.m., which is pretty good considering we were travelling in rush-hour traffic.

Our first stop was the United States Supreme Court. There were two separate lines: one to go and sit for 3 minutes and another line to sit for the whole hearing which was an hour. Marisa, my friend from Ecuador, and I decided to go in the three minute line.

One of the security guards looked exactly like Mike Tyson, only without the tattoo. After passing through all the security checkpoints, we finally made it inside.

It was very polished and ornate. The ceiling was wonderfully detailed in what seemed like plaster reliefs shaped like flowers. It was more intimate than I thought it would be. There were no balconies for viewing the proceedings; everyone was on the same floor. The justices were up on a slight platform, and I'm grateful for that, because those viewing the proceedings for three minutes were seated in the back. Those viewing the entire hour-long proceeding were seated in church-like pews. The lawyer arguing before the Court looked very unprepared and idiotic. He argued that the Court said one thing and Justice Scalia told him something like, "Actually, I believe we said the opposite." It was really interesting, but I really wouldn't have wanted to remain there for the entire hour.

After leaving the Supreme Court, eleven of us, including a professor, went to Tortilla Coast and had a delicious meal, as well as interesting and thought-provoking conversation. After that, we went to the Capitol to meet the rest of the students. While waiting, we took in the spectacular views of the mall and the rotunda of the Capitol.

Our next stop was the Pentagon. After passing through the numerous security checkpoints we were led to a room where we met our tour guides, all four of them. The Pentagon wasn't like I thought it would be. They have what looks like a mall inside and I would have thought I was in a mall if I had not have known for sure I was in the Pentagon. We got to visit the inside courtyard and were told interesting facts. We also visited the exact place where the Pentagon was hit by the hijacked plane on September 11, 2001. Our guides explained to us exactly how it was hit, and corrected the false information we had heard before.

All in all, it was an enjoyable day.

I would have posted pictures, but we were told not to bring any cameras.

Alpha Retreat in Lynchburg This Past Weekend

This past weekend I went on an Alpha retreat to Lynchburg, Virginia with the United Methodist church affiliated with the college.

It was exactly what I needed; a chance to get away, relax, and be happy. The weather and the mountains were absolutely gorgeous. The trees all had new, lush, green leaves on them. The air was clean and refreshing.

I went on the retreat with Liz (a friend of mine here at school), Pastor Ed (the youth minister at the United Methodist Church associated with the college), and Daniel (Ed's younger brother). We stayed in the church of Pastor Ed's in-laws. His in-laws are such wonderful and kind people. Ed's father-in-law is the minister of the church we stayed in. The church has its own gym with full-size basketball court and two kitchens. On Saturday, we moved into the church, and played some basketball. Later that day, we went on a scavenger hunt on the river walk in Lynchburg, Virginia (you can view the pictures below). The river walk and scavenger hunt were a lot of fun. The retreat was relaxing and refreshing; I couldn't have asked for anything more.

Out of all the pictures I took in Lynchburg, this is my favorite. I absolutely love the blue sky and the beautiful pink flowers against it.


This is a picture I took of the river fountain and a few buildings in downtown Lynchburg, Virginia.

This is a picture of a dam along the river walk. It was very beautiful and the roar of the falling water was deafening.

Here is a picture of the Virginia state tree, the dogwood.

This is an enormous, ancient tree on the river walk in Lynchburg, Virginia. It has an interesting root system that cascades down the hill like a waterfall. Over the years, many people have carved messages into the tree.

This is an old train tunnel that people pass through on the river walk in historic Lynchburg, Virginia. When inside, one wonders how a train actually fit in it.

This is a picture of the vegetation and rocks that can be seen on the river walk in Lynchburg, Virginia. There were droplets of water running down the rocks, and in some instances, they were a natural waterfall, providing the soothing sound of falling water.

Economics Test Results; Fall and January Scheduling; Weekend Retreat

I got my results from the Microeconomics exam I took on Tuesday. I was so relieved to find out that I got an A, but just barely. I got a 91%, which was the highest grade in the class (again), and the only A. I've heard from a friend that has already taken this course that the third, and final, exam is easier than the second one, which is a relief.

Today I have to begin picking out the classes I wish to take here in the fall and in January. So far, many people have told me that the choices for classes are abysmal. I sure hope that I can find, as well as get into, classes that I really want and enjoy. I think that it will take me an eternity to pick out classes and make sure that there won't be a time conflict between them. I have to have all this done by Tuesday, because that's when I meet with my adviser and I only have 20 minutes to do so.

This weekend I am going on a retreat with the Methodist church affiliated with the college. I am pretty excited about it. From what I hear, we will be doing many fun activities. It has been a while since I have seen these people, so I look forward to spending time with them again. I think we are going west to the mountains. Hopefully it will remind me of home; there are no hills or mountains in Ashland.

A Great Day Today; A Generous Donation; Hoping for a Good Day Tomorrow

Today was an extremely good day.

I didn't read the required assignment for one of my classes today. The professor came in and said that we would have until Friday to read it.

After getting off work at 5 p.m., I went to check my mail. I had received a card from my preacher and his wife. As I was walking down the sidewalk, I began to open the card. Inside was a check which I assumed was for five or ten dollars. To my amazement, the check was for $500.00. Yes, FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS! I almost fainted. I'm still not quite sure why they would send me that much money. It isn't my birthday and there's not a major holiday. I am very grateful, but still can't quite believe that they would give me so much money. I plan on putting it in the bank and maybe buying a more professional camera with it.

I am hoping for a good day tomorrow. I don't have Spanish tomorrow morning which is wonderful. After working for two hours, I have to attend the Phi Beta Kappa Freshmen Award Luncheon. I am a little nervous about it. I tried on the clothes I plan on wearing tomorrow, and don't believe they look nice on me. I hope when I put them on tomorrow my opinion will have changed.

Another Microeconomics Exam

Well today I had another Microeconomics exam worth 30% of my final grade. At first I found it very difficult to concentrate on the exam and thought I was going to fail because I was so nervous and anxious. After awhile I could finally concentrate and began to answer the questions quickly and concisely. I wasn't as prepared for this one, and it was more difficult. I know I didn't do as well as I did last time (I got a 99%), but I hope I still get an A.

Dutch

This is one of my cats at home. His name is Dutch, and he is a grey, tiger-striped tabby. He is a wonderful cat, and will tolerate just about anything. I couldn't believe he sat so still, even when the flash of my camera went off right in his face.

We have many cats at my house. The inside ones are indoor/outdoor, and we have seven of them. Outside, I would estimate that we have around thirty cats.

Top Thrill Dragster Roller Coaster

With a record-breaking height of 420 feet and a record-breaking speed of 120 m.p.h., Top Thrill Dragster delivers a wild ride to vistors to Cedar Point Amusement Park in Sandusky, Ohio.

It almost looks like a rocket.


Look at that drop! It is enough to take your breath away; literally!

Another drop and twist ahead!

I think this picture gives some perspective as to the sheer enormity of the roller coaster.

(I received these photos in a forwarded e-mail, so I'm not sure who to give credit to. They are NOT mine.)

My Old Barn

This is a picture of my barn which was built in 1883.

The numbers at the top, near the peak of the roof, are barely recognizable because a farmer poked the "3" out with a pitch fork many years ago.

Old Town Winchester

This is the Old Town section of Winchester, Virginia, my hometown. It is the most wonderful place in the world. I was born and raised there, and will return there when I graduate from college.

The yellow building was the old Farmers and Merchants National Bank, but is now a BB&T.

The building on the right is the old courthouse, which was built in 1840. Winchester switched hands around 73 or 74 times during the Civil War, and during that time, the courthouse was used as a prison. Civil War soldiers left graffitti on the walls, and now the old courthouse is a Civil War Museum.

If you have any interest in the Civil War, you should really visit Winchester. Stonewall Jackson had his headquarters there, and now it is a museum. General Sheridan also had a headquarters there, which coincidentally is right down the street from Jackson's. Sheridan's former headquarters is now Kimberly's, an upscale furniture and boutique store.

Numerous Civil War battles were fought in and around Winchester.

In addition to the Civil War history, Winchester was also a home for George Washington's surveying company. His headquarters is still standing and is also a museum.

Winchester and the surrounding areas are absolutely beautiful, if you would like to see it, hurry, because numerous developers from Northern Virginia are building large subdivisions and destroying the land, the history, and the community of Winchester and Frederick County.

Field Trip; Mi Amiga Marisa

In mid-April, I'm going on a field trip to Washington, DC. I can't wait, even though I've been there a million times before. We are going to the Supreme Court and the Pentagon, which should be very interesting. I hope the weather is nice and that it is not too hot.

The best part is Marisa is going, too. She is one of the greatest people I know. She is always smiling and she can make you feel better when you're having a rough time. She is a real, true friend, and a great listener. She is one of those "old souls" who are very wise and insightful, always giving exceptional advice.

Spring Break; iPod

Spring Break was really good. I worked, shopped, cleaned, and slept. That's pretty much it. I know I didn't do a whole lot, but I wouldn't have wanted to do anything else.

Over Spring Break I bought a 20 GB iPod and I absolutely love it. The sound quality is great and its compact shape is wonderful. The style of it absolutely can't be beat; white and chrome, modern yet classic.

Drawing v. Work

Lately I have been more motivated to draw than do my homework, which I am not proud of. I really need to stay focused these next few days because I have a lot of things to do and two exams on Friday. Here is my most recent drawing which was done in Prismacolor pencils.

A Nice Weekend; My Feelings on Relationships; A Lot of Work

I had the best weekend I've had in quite a while.

I went to the college's women's basketball game on Saturday. They beat the George Fox Bruins, who were from Oregon, and advance to the NCAA Division III Final Four. Go Yellow Jackets! After the game, I went to a local coffee shop with a friend and some of her friends. We had an awesome time hanging out. Today, Sunday, I went to work on a Spanish presentation at a girl's house. She has such a beautiful, old home and the surrounding land reminded me of home.

I was reading my friend Nina's blog and she was able to describe what I have been thinking and feeling for a while.

She wrote:

"I operate on the basic assumption that once I have stopped entertaining you, once I show my nasty side or have a bad day or disappoint you, you will leave. That is a constant terror that I feel every day. And the closer I get to someone, the worse it gets. Which is unfortunate, because this year I have formed a few very close relationships for the first time in God only knows how long and every day I torment myself over what I have to do to keep from losing them. And no matter how much evidence I have been shown that disputes my assumption and no matter how many people make promises, it doesn't seem to help much."

This is the last week before Spring Break and I have so much work to do. I am so stressed out. Tomorrow I have to have a 3-5 page ethnographic review due, and I have yet to start writing it, even though it is nearly 11:30 p.m. I have already resigned myself to the fact that I will probably be up all night.

Trying My Hardest; Nice Exam Grade; Photography Job

I have been trying my best to get all of my homework done on time or ahead of schedule. Some days I have been able to do this, but other days I haven't. I'm still feeling really stressed about the amount of work I have to do. I keep trying just to take them one at a time and check them off the list, but some of the projects require a lot of time and effort, so I need to begin them now.

On Monday I have an ethnographic book review to finish. I think the hardest part of that will be analyzing the research methods used by the ethnographer. I can't wait to get it done so I won't have to worry about it anymore.

On Tuesday I got my first Microeconomics exam back. I received a 99%, the highest grade in the class. I am extremely happy about that because each of the three exams I have in that class is worth 30% of my final grade.

I am extremely nervous about tonight. My boss called me a few hours ago to ask if I would be interested in doing some work tonight. I really don't feel like I can say no because I have nothing better to do. Besides, I would be paid for it. I have to go to a reception with a "small crowd" and take some pictures of a man receiving an honorary degree from the college. Chances are I won't know anyone there, and I'll feel nervous taking pictures of a distinguished man I have just met. I never take pictures of people, especially really important people. I am so worried that I am going to screw up, and have no clue what I am doing.

I'll let you know how it goes later.

The Society for Success and Leadership

I am excited and honored to have been asked to join the college's chapter of Sigma Alpha Lambda. It is the national leadership and success society. My mom is really excited and proud, so I think I'll join just to make her happy. I don't feel like I have a whole lot of leadership skills, but maybe this society will encourage me to seek out more leadership opportunities.

The Fireworks; Room Situation for Next Year; Procrastination; Returning Next Year?

I got really busy and really upset and really depressed which has delayed me in writing.

Anyway, about the fireworks. Amanda (a girl here at school) and I are no longer friends. It's quite a long story and I may elaborate at a later date. I'm not upset, nor do I really care, about the dissolution of our friendship. I've been less stressed out. I'm no longer worrying about avoiding her or explaining why I've been avoiding her.

I'm kind of worried about who I am going to room with next year. All of my friends have either paired off or want to be Resident Assistants (which will give them their own room). I have briefly investigated getting a single next year. According to the school, it is very rare that they have them, they are based on seniority, and they cost extra. I don't mind paying an additional $500 if I will be living by myself, even if it is in the basement of Mary Branch. I just want to avoid living with someone that I have nothing in common with and can't really relate to. This situation is giving me a lot of stress, because the room lottery is coming up.

I've been doing better on my procrastination. This weekend I really got some homework done. I have a lot of tests, projects, and presentations coming up. All within a month of each other, and it is just really stressfull. Thank goodness the counseling services here are free and the counselors know what they're doing.

I'm still questioning whether or not I want to return here next year. I absolutely love the campus, because it is historic, small, and park-like. The professors are the best. I haven't had one yet that I haven't enjoyed, even if the subject matter was boring or difficult. Some of the professors are absolutely incredible, and totally worth tuition (I just wish more of my tuition was going toward paying their salary). On the other hand, I really don't feel motivated to do all of the assigned work. Miraculously, I made the Dean's List and had a GPA above 3.5 the fall semester, without even really trying. I could have done so much better if I would apply myself, but without motivation that is very difficult to do. I think I might stay here for another year, and see how things go.

An Explosion of Fireworks

Fireworks flew last night around 11:30 p.m.

More details to come later today, hopefully, if I'm not too tired.