My Dorm Room Sophomore Year

This is a picture of my corner of my dorm room.

The artwork on the wall behind my bed was all done by me, and I took all of the pictures to the left.

If you couldn't tell from my bedding, my favorite colors are those at the cooler end of the color spectrum.

My dorm is really nice; quite a lot better than last year. My room is huge and the wall is drywall painted a nice beige. Last year my room was quite small and the walls were cinder block painted psychiatric ward white.

This year my dorm has community bathrooms which I actually prefer over the suite-style bathrooms I had last year. With community bathrooms I can wake up at 3 a.m. to take a shower without waking anyone up.

My building, Thomas Branch, was just recently renovated and is the only residential building on campus with an elevator.

Needless to say, I am very pleased with my accommodations this year.

Honors Banquet

This evening I attended a banquet held for all of the students who are in the Honors Program at the college.

I wasn't really sure that I wanted to attend. One reason is that I hate getting dressed up. Another reason is that I only knew a few of the people that were going and felt that having to socialize with these strangers who wanted nothing to do with me would be a bit awkward. Nevertheless, I decided to attend.

I arrived at the reception at 6:15 p.m. There was a table with punch and fruit and cheese, looking quite nice. I didn't get any because I didn't want to ruin my appetite and there were a few groups of people right next to the table. I began to talk with people I know, and we all got bored quickly. At 6:40 p.m. we had run out of topics of conversation and resorted to standing around looking at each other uncomfortably. Then the Dean of the College came to us and began speaking with us. He left after a few minutes to socialize with other groups.

Within a few minutes we were told to go to the dining room and sit down for dinner. The people I had been talking to and I sat down at the same table, and were later, to our surprise, joined by the Dean. I'm not sure if he actually chose to sit with us. I think maybe each of the other tables already had a faculty member sitting there, so he felt obligated to sit with us.

Dinner was nice. The steak and potatoes were to my liking (which is very unusual). I ate a little of my asparagus, just so I had at least tasted everything on my plate. Dessert was okay, nothing to rave about.

Every year at the banquet two professors, Dr. B (Political Science) and Dr. R (Mathematics), provide the entertainment. To be honest, I wasn't quite sure what to expect, after all, these were faculty members and the Dean was in attendance. They had decided that we should play "Jeopardy!" and that our tables would be our teams. Our table didn't win, but we scored some points.

I felt really stupid and embarrassed at one point during the game. Normally, being the shy and introverted person I am, wouldn't have dared to raise my hand in an attempt to answer a question. But for some reason, I felt sure of an answer and raised my hand. Big mistake. I wasn't completely wrong, though, which is good, but I felt moronic nonetheless.

After playing the game, and getting our butts kicked, the senior awards were given out. After that, everyone left, and went back to preparing for Monday's classes.

Overall, the banquet was nice and entertaining, although I'm not sure if I would attended next year's.

Only time will tell.

Trip to Washington, D.C.

This past Monday (April 18) I went on a field trip organized by the Political Science Students Association to Washington, D.C. We visited the Supreme Court and the Pentagon, which were both very interesting places.

I fell asleep on the bus on the way to D.C. because I woke up at 5:30 a.m. We got there around 9:30 a.m., which is pretty good considering we were travelling in rush-hour traffic.

Our first stop was the United States Supreme Court. There were two separate lines: one to go and sit for 3 minutes and another line to sit for the whole hearing which was an hour. Marisa, my friend from Ecuador, and I decided to go in the three minute line.

One of the security guards looked exactly like Mike Tyson, only without the tattoo. After passing through all the security checkpoints, we finally made it inside.

It was very polished and ornate. The ceiling was wonderfully detailed in what seemed like plaster reliefs shaped like flowers. It was more intimate than I thought it would be. There were no balconies for viewing the proceedings; everyone was on the same floor. The justices were up on a slight platform, and I'm grateful for that, because those viewing the proceedings for three minutes were seated in the back. Those viewing the entire hour-long proceeding were seated in church-like pews. The lawyer arguing before the Court looked very unprepared and idiotic. He argued that the Court said one thing and Justice Scalia told him something like, "Actually, I believe we said the opposite." It was really interesting, but I really wouldn't have wanted to remain there for the entire hour.

After leaving the Supreme Court, eleven of us, including a professor, went to Tortilla Coast and had a delicious meal, as well as interesting and thought-provoking conversation. After that, we went to the Capitol to meet the rest of the students. While waiting, we took in the spectacular views of the mall and the rotunda of the Capitol.

Our next stop was the Pentagon. After passing through the numerous security checkpoints we were led to a room where we met our tour guides, all four of them. The Pentagon wasn't like I thought it would be. They have what looks like a mall inside and I would have thought I was in a mall if I had not have known for sure I was in the Pentagon. We got to visit the inside courtyard and were told interesting facts. We also visited the exact place where the Pentagon was hit by the hijacked plane on September 11, 2001. Our guides explained to us exactly how it was hit, and corrected the false information we had heard before.

All in all, it was an enjoyable day.

I would have posted pictures, but we were told not to bring any cameras.

Alpha Retreat in Lynchburg This Past Weekend

This past weekend I went on an Alpha retreat to Lynchburg, Virginia with the United Methodist church affiliated with the college.

It was exactly what I needed; a chance to get away, relax, and be happy. The weather and the mountains were absolutely gorgeous. The trees all had new, lush, green leaves on them. The air was clean and refreshing.

I went on the retreat with Liz (a friend of mine here at school), Pastor Ed (the youth minister at the United Methodist Church associated with the college), and Daniel (Ed's younger brother). We stayed in the church of Pastor Ed's in-laws. His in-laws are such wonderful and kind people. Ed's father-in-law is the minister of the church we stayed in. The church has its own gym with full-size basketball court and two kitchens. On Saturday, we moved into the church, and played some basketball. Later that day, we went on a scavenger hunt on the river walk in Lynchburg, Virginia (you can view the pictures below). The river walk and scavenger hunt were a lot of fun. The retreat was relaxing and refreshing; I couldn't have asked for anything more.

Out of all the pictures I took in Lynchburg, this is my favorite. I absolutely love the blue sky and the beautiful pink flowers against it.


This is a picture I took of the river fountain and a few buildings in downtown Lynchburg, Virginia.

This is a picture of a dam along the river walk. It was very beautiful and the roar of the falling water was deafening.

Here is a picture of the Virginia state tree, the dogwood.

This is an enormous, ancient tree on the river walk in Lynchburg, Virginia. It has an interesting root system that cascades down the hill like a waterfall. Over the years, many people have carved messages into the tree.

This is an old train tunnel that people pass through on the river walk in historic Lynchburg, Virginia. When inside, one wonders how a train actually fit in it.

This is a picture of the vegetation and rocks that can be seen on the river walk in Lynchburg, Virginia. There were droplets of water running down the rocks, and in some instances, they were a natural waterfall, providing the soothing sound of falling water.

Economics Test Results; Fall and January Scheduling; Weekend Retreat

I got my results from the Microeconomics exam I took on Tuesday. I was so relieved to find out that I got an A, but just barely. I got a 91%, which was the highest grade in the class (again), and the only A. I've heard from a friend that has already taken this course that the third, and final, exam is easier than the second one, which is a relief.

Today I have to begin picking out the classes I wish to take here in the fall and in January. So far, many people have told me that the choices for classes are abysmal. I sure hope that I can find, as well as get into, classes that I really want and enjoy. I think that it will take me an eternity to pick out classes and make sure that there won't be a time conflict between them. I have to have all this done by Tuesday, because that's when I meet with my adviser and I only have 20 minutes to do so.

This weekend I am going on a retreat with the Methodist church affiliated with the college. I am pretty excited about it. From what I hear, we will be doing many fun activities. It has been a while since I have seen these people, so I look forward to spending time with them again. I think we are going west to the mountains. Hopefully it will remind me of home; there are no hills or mountains in Ashland.

A Great Day Today; A Generous Donation; Hoping for a Good Day Tomorrow

Today was an extremely good day.

I didn't read the required assignment for one of my classes today. The professor came in and said that we would have until Friday to read it.

After getting off work at 5 p.m., I went to check my mail. I had received a card from my preacher and his wife. As I was walking down the sidewalk, I began to open the card. Inside was a check which I assumed was for five or ten dollars. To my amazement, the check was for $500.00. Yes, FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS! I almost fainted. I'm still not quite sure why they would send me that much money. It isn't my birthday and there's not a major holiday. I am very grateful, but still can't quite believe that they would give me so much money. I plan on putting it in the bank and maybe buying a more professional camera with it.

I am hoping for a good day tomorrow. I don't have Spanish tomorrow morning which is wonderful. After working for two hours, I have to attend the Phi Beta Kappa Freshmen Award Luncheon. I am a little nervous about it. I tried on the clothes I plan on wearing tomorrow, and don't believe they look nice on me. I hope when I put them on tomorrow my opinion will have changed.

Another Microeconomics Exam

Well today I had another Microeconomics exam worth 30% of my final grade. At first I found it very difficult to concentrate on the exam and thought I was going to fail because I was so nervous and anxious. After awhile I could finally concentrate and began to answer the questions quickly and concisely. I wasn't as prepared for this one, and it was more difficult. I know I didn't do as well as I did last time (I got a 99%), but I hope I still get an A.

Dutch

This is one of my cats at home. His name is Dutch, and he is a grey, tiger-striped tabby. He is a wonderful cat, and will tolerate just about anything. I couldn't believe he sat so still, even when the flash of my camera went off right in his face.

We have many cats at my house. The inside ones are indoor/outdoor, and we have seven of them. Outside, I would estimate that we have around thirty cats.

Top Thrill Dragster Roller Coaster

With a record-breaking height of 420 feet and a record-breaking speed of 120 m.p.h., Top Thrill Dragster delivers a wild ride to vistors to Cedar Point Amusement Park in Sandusky, Ohio.

It almost looks like a rocket.


Look at that drop! It is enough to take your breath away; literally!

Another drop and twist ahead!

I think this picture gives some perspective as to the sheer enormity of the roller coaster.

(I received these photos in a forwarded e-mail, so I'm not sure who to give credit to. They are NOT mine.)

My Old Barn

This is a picture of my barn which was built in 1883.

The numbers at the top, near the peak of the roof, are barely recognizable because a farmer poked the "3" out with a pitch fork many years ago.

Old Town Winchester

This is the Old Town section of Winchester, Virginia, my hometown. It is the most wonderful place in the world. I was born and raised there, and will return there when I graduate from college.

The yellow building was the old Farmers and Merchants National Bank, but is now a BB&T.

The building on the right is the old courthouse, which was built in 1840. Winchester switched hands around 73 or 74 times during the Civil War, and during that time, the courthouse was used as a prison. Civil War soldiers left graffitti on the walls, and now the old courthouse is a Civil War Museum.

If you have any interest in the Civil War, you should really visit Winchester. Stonewall Jackson had his headquarters there, and now it is a museum. General Sheridan also had a headquarters there, which coincidentally is right down the street from Jackson's. Sheridan's former headquarters is now Kimberly's, an upscale furniture and boutique store.

Numerous Civil War battles were fought in and around Winchester.

In addition to the Civil War history, Winchester was also a home for George Washington's surveying company. His headquarters is still standing and is also a museum.

Winchester and the surrounding areas are absolutely beautiful, if you would like to see it, hurry, because numerous developers from Northern Virginia are building large subdivisions and destroying the land, the history, and the community of Winchester and Frederick County.

Field Trip; Mi Amiga Marisa

In mid-April, I'm going on a field trip to Washington, DC. I can't wait, even though I've been there a million times before. We are going to the Supreme Court and the Pentagon, which should be very interesting. I hope the weather is nice and that it is not too hot.

The best part is Marisa is going, too. She is one of the greatest people I know. She is always smiling and she can make you feel better when you're having a rough time. She is a real, true friend, and a great listener. She is one of those "old souls" who are very wise and insightful, always giving exceptional advice.

Spring Break; iPod

Spring Break was really good. I worked, shopped, cleaned, and slept. That's pretty much it. I know I didn't do a whole lot, but I wouldn't have wanted to do anything else.

Over Spring Break I bought a 20 GB iPod and I absolutely love it. The sound quality is great and its compact shape is wonderful. The style of it absolutely can't be beat; white and chrome, modern yet classic.

Drawing v. Work

Lately I have been more motivated to draw than do my homework, which I am not proud of. I really need to stay focused these next few days because I have a lot of things to do and two exams on Friday. Here is my most recent drawing which was done in Prismacolor pencils.

A Nice Weekend; My Feelings on Relationships; A Lot of Work

I had the best weekend I've had in quite a while.

I went to the college's women's basketball game on Saturday. They beat the George Fox Bruins, who were from Oregon, and advance to the NCAA Division III Final Four. Go Yellow Jackets! After the game, I went to a local coffee shop with a friend and some of her friends. We had an awesome time hanging out. Today, Sunday, I went to work on a Spanish presentation at a girl's house. She has such a beautiful, old home and the surrounding land reminded me of home.

I was reading my friend Nina's blog and she was able to describe what I have been thinking and feeling for a while.

She wrote:

"I operate on the basic assumption that once I have stopped entertaining you, once I show my nasty side or have a bad day or disappoint you, you will leave. That is a constant terror that I feel every day. And the closer I get to someone, the worse it gets. Which is unfortunate, because this year I have formed a few very close relationships for the first time in God only knows how long and every day I torment myself over what I have to do to keep from losing them. And no matter how much evidence I have been shown that disputes my assumption and no matter how many people make promises, it doesn't seem to help much."

This is the last week before Spring Break and I have so much work to do. I am so stressed out. Tomorrow I have to have a 3-5 page ethnographic review due, and I have yet to start writing it, even though it is nearly 11:30 p.m. I have already resigned myself to the fact that I will probably be up all night.

Trying My Hardest; Nice Exam Grade; Photography Job

I have been trying my best to get all of my homework done on time or ahead of schedule. Some days I have been able to do this, but other days I haven't. I'm still feeling really stressed about the amount of work I have to do. I keep trying just to take them one at a time and check them off the list, but some of the projects require a lot of time and effort, so I need to begin them now.

On Monday I have an ethnographic book review to finish. I think the hardest part of that will be analyzing the research methods used by the ethnographer. I can't wait to get it done so I won't have to worry about it anymore.

On Tuesday I got my first Microeconomics exam back. I received a 99%, the highest grade in the class. I am extremely happy about that because each of the three exams I have in that class is worth 30% of my final grade.

I am extremely nervous about tonight. My boss called me a few hours ago to ask if I would be interested in doing some work tonight. I really don't feel like I can say no because I have nothing better to do. Besides, I would be paid for it. I have to go to a reception with a "small crowd" and take some pictures of a man receiving an honorary degree from the college. Chances are I won't know anyone there, and I'll feel nervous taking pictures of a distinguished man I have just met. I never take pictures of people, especially really important people. I am so worried that I am going to screw up, and have no clue what I am doing.

I'll let you know how it goes later.

The Society for Success and Leadership

I am excited and honored to have been asked to join the college's chapter of Sigma Alpha Lambda. It is the national leadership and success society. My mom is really excited and proud, so I think I'll join just to make her happy. I don't feel like I have a whole lot of leadership skills, but maybe this society will encourage me to seek out more leadership opportunities.

The Fireworks; Room Situation for Next Year; Procrastination; Returning Next Year?

I got really busy and really upset and really depressed which has delayed me in writing.

Anyway, about the fireworks. Amanda (a girl here at school) and I are no longer friends. It's quite a long story and I may elaborate at a later date. I'm not upset, nor do I really care, about the dissolution of our friendship. I've been less stressed out. I'm no longer worrying about avoiding her or explaining why I've been avoiding her.

I'm kind of worried about who I am going to room with next year. All of my friends have either paired off or want to be Resident Assistants (which will give them their own room). I have briefly investigated getting a single next year. According to the school, it is very rare that they have them, they are based on seniority, and they cost extra. I don't mind paying an additional $500 if I will be living by myself, even if it is in the basement of Mary Branch. I just want to avoid living with someone that I have nothing in common with and can't really relate to. This situation is giving me a lot of stress, because the room lottery is coming up.

I've been doing better on my procrastination. This weekend I really got some homework done. I have a lot of tests, projects, and presentations coming up. All within a month of each other, and it is just really stressfull. Thank goodness the counseling services here are free and the counselors know what they're doing.

I'm still questioning whether or not I want to return here next year. I absolutely love the campus, because it is historic, small, and park-like. The professors are the best. I haven't had one yet that I haven't enjoyed, even if the subject matter was boring or difficult. Some of the professors are absolutely incredible, and totally worth tuition (I just wish more of my tuition was going toward paying their salary). On the other hand, I really don't feel motivated to do all of the assigned work. Miraculously, I made the Dean's List and had a GPA above 3.5 the fall semester, without even really trying. I could have done so much better if I would apply myself, but without motivation that is very difficult to do. I think I might stay here for another year, and see how things go.

An Explosion of Fireworks

Fireworks flew last night around 11:30 p.m.

More details to come later today, hopefully, if I'm not too tired.

Communication; A Return?; Stress and Panic Attacks; My Past: My Worries; My Poor Betta, Firenze

Okay, I'll admit that today has been a better day than yesterday.

I started to communicate with some people. Hopefully it is a start to things being close to the way they were, because after everything that I have said and done, I wouldn't expect things to be the same. I hope to explain myself and try to smooth things over as well as I can.

Today I was told that I totally misunderstood everything, and it wasn't as big of a deal as I was making it. In some ways, that is a relief, but in other ways, I feel completely stupid and embarrassed.

I still haven't made up my mind about staying here for the next 3 years. In some ways, I really love it here. All of my professors have been excellent, and a few have been exceptional. The setting is quite nice and the campus is beautiful. Most of the people around here are nice (at least some of the time), although I would like more diversity. I would love to have many more international students here. I would also like more diversity when it comes to social backgrounds. It seems as if the majority of the students here are white, beautiful, and rich; not that there is anything wrong with that, it just isn't reality.

Besides stress coming from my social life and my relationships with the people around me, I have also been stressed about my school work. I have already fallen way behind on readings, and it seems as if I will never be able to get caught up. I also have many projects, presentations, and lengthy papers to due this semester. I am a chronic and habitual procrastinator, which doesn't help me in this situation. Early in the semester, I was doing really well and was completing assignments ahead of time.

Another thing that makes me extremely stressed out, anxious, and nervous are the presentations that I must do. I have many self-esteem and self-confidence issues. I am always worried about being judged by others around me. I know I'm not very pretty or very thin, like many other girls around here, and it makes me very uncomfortable. I want to lose weight but going to the crowded gym is just too nerve-wracking. I try to eat right, but with all the stress and the late nights, I do tend to snack. When I'm depressed, I tend to binge eat. So for the moment, I feel trapped. When I tell people how nervous I am about the presentations, they tell me that everyone is nervous; they have no idea how nervous I get. When I give presentations, I usually have a panic attack. During a panic attack, I can hear my heartbeat inside my head. I begin to stutter and my pulse races frantically. The worst part though is feeling as if I am going to die, because I can't force my body to breathe; it is as if I am unintentionally suffocating myself in front of the class. I am working to alleviate my panic attacks and nervousness, but I know it will take time and practice.

My betta is currently living in a flower vase, and I don't think he is too happy about that. Tomorrow I hope to get him a new fish bowl and possible some glass marbles to replace the rocks that pollute his water with flecks of paint.

I have also been dealing with a lot of stuff from my past; namely my relationship (or lack thereof) with my father. My parents divorced when I was three because my father was an abusive alcoholic. Around Christmas when I was three, I watched my father attempt to strangle my mother. That memory continues to haunt me to this day. Despite his alcoholism, my father got partial custody of my younger sister and me. My father was like two totally different people combined into one. When he was drunk, he was verbally and emotionally abusive towards my sister and me. The littlest thing could set him off, and I was constantly walking on eggshells around him for fear of pissing him off. On the otherhand, when he was sober, he was the greatest father. He took us to the park, played baseball with us, and let us help him cook dinner. Despite everything he has done, I still love him and care about him. I hate some of the things he's done, but I still love him as a person and as my father. I never really told my mother what happened at my dad's house for fear of creating another conflict between my parents; besides, it wasn't anything I couldn't handle. While at my father's house, I was the mother to my sister. I made sure she took a bath and ate every meal. I made sure she didn't do anything to upset my father. To this day, I am still trying to boss her around in a way that should be left to my mother, which has created a rift between my sister and I. I am trying to stop being her mother and start being her big sister.

Short Sidenote: The Apple Blossom Festival takes place in my hometown of Winchester, Virginia, every year on the first weekend in May. There is a circus, a carnival, two parades, and many celebrities; which combine into one big party all over the city. It is to celebrate the blossoms blooming on the apple trees because Winchester and surrounding Frederick County was at one point in time the Apple Capital of the World. In fact, White House apple products are still produced and manufactured there.

When I was 12, my father asked me whether or not I wanted to spend Apple Blossom weekend with him. My mother usually took my sister and I to the circus and the parades. My father's idea of celebrating Apple Blossom was watching the parades on television. I called my father the week before Apple Blossom and told him that my sister and I would rather spend the weekend with my mother. He said okay. Well, my father never came to pick my sister and me up again. The weekend he asked me what I wanted to do for Apple Blossom was the last time I saw him. We have been estranged now for seven years. He always remembered our birthdays and would send cards to us. He would send us cards for all the major holidays as well. My sister and I would always send thank you cards in return. I believe last year, we forgot to send him a thank you card for the Easter cards he sent us. Since then he hasn't sent any cards. This Christmas, for the first time ever, we didn't get a card from him. I was hoping that I would at least get a card from him for my birthday which was February 10. His card was really all I wanted, even though I got many other nice things. But I didn't receive anything from him. I have been debating whether or not to send him a note to tell him if he would like to, he could send me letters here to R-MC. That way my mom wouldn't know about it, because my father is still a very sore subject; and plus I feel really weird whenever my father sends stuff to my mom's house.

I am also concerned with my mother's health. Her carotid artery is beginning to become clogged. The doctors have said that her diet and excercise are perfect and thus, there is no way to improve them. She is taking medication that makes her sick and may not even be helping. She is a single mother who works an 8 hour day. She gets up between 4:30 and 5:00 every morning and works non-stop at the hospital or at home until she goes to bed around 10:00 pm. I wish I were home so I could help her out. I feel helpless being two hours away. This is another factor that has caused me to question remaining at school.

All of these things combined has made me depressed, pissed off, and irritable lately. This has most likely exacerbated the conflict I have found myself in.

Well I think I have written enough for today. It is 11 pm and I haven't done any homework that is due tomorrow.

A Really Awful Day

Today has been a really awful day.

I took a walk into the shopping area near the train tracks here in Ashland, in order to go to the local pet store. The pet store was of better quality than I expected it to be. They had almost anything you could ever need.

I came back to my dorm room in order to clean my betta's tank, because it had been a week and the water was putrid. After safely transferring Firenze from his bowl, I went to dump the rocks from the bowl into a strainer to clean them. The middle finger on my left hand went straight through the glass, cutting my finger and embedding glass. I was bleeding quite badly and was trying to get the glass shards out of my finger. Eventually the flow of blood stopped, but I have yet to get the glass out from under my skin. Hopefully it will heal soon and not be too sore.

And if that wasn't enough, I feel very lonely because it is the weekend and I am doing nothing. I made some friends in the beginning of the year, and eventually gained completely different friends. I have very rarely had contact with my old friends, even though they live in the same hall. I feel horrible about the abrupt ending of our friendship.

I was having so much fun with my new friends and, believe it or not, I actually had a real social life for the first time ever. Now that is all gone. I don't know whether or not we are still friends. They never contact me, and whenever I knock on their doors, I feel like a stranger and an intruder. And despite what they may think, I have no other friends, only acquaintances. I have returned to being the social outcast I was in high school. I had friends, mind you, but we rarely talked outside of school, and never went out anywhere. In high school, I had no idea what I was missing. Then a few weeks ago, I gained a pretty good social life, just to have it crumble away. If I knew that this would happen, I would have never joined all the social fun. It is so much easier not to know what you are missing.

I am having serious doubts about graduating from this school, when a while ago I said I could stay here for six years. If I had my choice, I would leave this depression-filled nightmare behind and return home now, where it is okay to be a social outcast. At home, no one knows when I eat alone in the living room. Here, if you go to dinner alone people talk about you while staring, and wonder why no one wants to sit with you. Tonight no one came to ask me to go to dinner. So I decided just to go to the school's fast food place and get dinner to go. That way I could bring it back to my room and eat alone without anyone staring at me. While walking back by myself, people would look at me and then look away, as if I were not worth saying hello to. If you take a walk by yourself here, people think that there is something wrong with you. At home, it is okay to do anything by yourself including eating, walking, and shopping.

I have never actually had what I would consider a best friend, and I think my hopes of ever finding one here have just disappeared. I have heard most of my friends talking about how they won't be graduating from here. Is it worth me staying here if I will have no friends to graduate with or celebrate with? I don't know.

One of my maybe-friends (the new friends I made, but am not sure if I am still welcome in their group) told me yesterday that she was upset with me because she thought that I was trying to steal her best friend (another one of my maybe-friends) away from her. She said this because a lot of the things she used to do with her, I was now doing with her, and they never had any time just to do stuff by themselves. Yesterday I tried to stay out of their hair as best as I could. And today I only briefly talked to one of them. I will admit that they are hanging out more, now that I am out of the picture.

Ever since this morning, no one has attempted to talk to me. Apparently, I don't matter enough anymore to be worth their time or attention. I guess that's okay though. I should get more sleep and more homework done now that all my free time is completely freed up. And with me not having a car, and all of my maybe-friends having one, I guess I won't be making trips to Wal-Mart or Target and spending money I really don't have. Am I bitter and just trying to make myself feel better, because there is no one else to do it? Possibly.

My Nineteenth Birthday

I've made more friends here at school and have become better friends with old acquaintances. My birthday was February 10, and I am now nineteen. My friends and I went to eat at Chipotle and then we went to see the new movie "Hitch" at Virginia Center Commons.

For my birthday I got many gifts from friends which I love. Julia gave me a beautiful green suede necklace with a green stone as a pendant. Becca gave me a black and white watch, which matches a Coach bag I really want. Marisa gave me an awesome stationary set with a modern design. Amanda gave me a purple picture frame and beautiful potted tulips. My grandmother and aunt gave me a generous amount of money and are sending a box of gifts here soon. My mom took me shopping, and bought me a necklace that I absolutely love.

I recently got a red betta and named him "Firenze," which means Florence in Italian. He is gorgeous because in between the creases in his rear fin there are turquoise stripes and the entire rear fin has a black outline around the edges.