A Crazy Day with an Even Crazier Tomorrow

Today went quite well.

I gave Dr. S, my counselor here at R-MC, a letter of appreciation and an 11in. x 14in. print of my profile picture on this blog (the purple flower). The following is my letter to her:

Dr. S,
I would like to take this opportunity to thank you for everything that you’ve done in order to help me. Without your understanding and assistance, I would not be where I am today. It is difficult to know where I would be without your intervention, but I know I’d probably be in a worse place than that which I am in now. I know that the medication has helped in some respects, and I would not be on it if you hadn’t sent me home, even though I was against doing so. Without the help that I have received, both from you and medication, I think I would have committed suicide many months ago.

When I told you that I looked forward to my appointments with you, I meant it. Tuesdays have become my favorite day of the week, only because I get to see you. You are very easy to talk to and I feel like I can tell you things that I cannot tell other people.

I apologize for the times when I have been difficult and uncooperative; you deserved better. I know that I’m not the easiest person to deal with, so your patience with me has been wonderful.

In writing this, I wanted you to know that you are appreciated and you have heavily impacted my life for the better.

With Much Appreciation,

Emily

She said that she really appreciated the letter and she loved the picture; she thought it was beautiful, although she said she couldn't hang it in her office because my name was on it and it would be a violation of privacy. She said that she will think about where to put it. Dr. S also told me that she's enjoyed working with me this past year. I laughed, because I know I've not been the easiest person to deal with. She said that she liked to see people get better and improve and she thought that I had done just that. I think I'm going to cry next Tuesday when I meet with her for the last time this semester. I'll miss talking with her over the summer.

My group is still working on our project about serial killer groupies. I feel as if we haven't done a lot of research and we've just thrown it together. I don't think it is going to be that great, and I'm quite nervous about presenting in front of the class tomorrow. I'm going to try to purposely lose my voice in order to try to weasel my way out of talking. After the presentation tomorrow, our group has to present at Research Day on Friday. I'm so scared of presenting in front of a large group. I'm terrified that I'm going to have a panic attack and pass out.

I also have to meet with the head of the International Studies Department tomorrow. He is really intimidating. I have to discuss me not going on a January-Term travel course next year that I need to graduate. I'm terrified that my negative experiences in Spain, even though they were few, will be repeated. If that should happen, I'll be sent home from school indefinitely and I'll not graduate from this college.

I hope, and pray, that tomorrow will go well.